Tomorrow I'll be 23. Such a lovely little number. By that time I would have been away from my family for ALMOST half of my life. Makes one think of many missed things.
I am not a birthday bitch per se, I don't mind anyone not saying "Happy Birthday" to me on the streets or surprising me with a cake and presents. Which is weird because I remember my 8th birthday was a really big thing - my mom arranged for a party, and lots of my friends came over, and we had this huge cake (which made me barf, I hate creamy pastries) and posed for pictures like starlets. My favourite picture was one in which I sat on my mom's lap, possibly the last time I was small enough to do so.
I miss those early years, when you see the world through frosted glasses, when everything was beautiful and warm and friendly, because I tell you the first five years away from my family (namely, high school) was hell. I was really alone and scared that people were going to call me out for being a phony, that I didn't belong with the 'elites', that I didn't deserve my place in MCKK. I showed those bitches, but I got hurt, got scarred plenty in the way.
Then of course after SPM when everything got shaken up, got strewn away. I went to India for two years, and in one of my tours saw the great fortress of Mehrangarh. I saw the Taj, I saw snow for the first time, I saw lonely tombs in the Jaisalmer desert, but no memory was as vivid as seeing a wall at a massive gate at Mehrangarh, a wall of palms which was painted deep scarlet, which bore numerous palm prints of various sizes, the smallest was probably a child of ten years old. It was the wall on which the womenfolk of princes and warriors stamped their palm before going on ritual sacrifice as their men, aware that the kingdom was lost, fought the battlefield to the death.
On to happier things: on occasion of my sweet 24th, I had composed several works. I completed Laguan buat gadis desa, designated Op 34 and Op 35 (orchestral version) respectively. I wrote a French mélodie, which I count as a personal achievement (I wrote both the music and text in one night, I was heavily caffeine-ated). I also wrote a concert aria for baritone in the cantabile-cabaletta style entitled Bagaikan purnama bercahaya... Menarilah, designated Op 39. The range is monstrous: from G2 to Bb4, but the highest notes are intended to be sung in voix-mixte, and personally if I can sing it then it should be okay for a professional baritone. It was originally perceived in March after the verdict on the Tyler Clementi case, but I had waited until now to release it in its full-grown form. The lyrics were painstaking in its composition, but I completed it, and provided an Italian translation.
Doux solitaire
Je reste tout seul au bord de l'eau grise,
le ciel est pâle, le soleil trop froid,
mais je sens un bonheur suprême,
dans un silence si profond.
Un silence si profond,
si bleu, si grave, si sombre,
qu'il me rend si délirant,
comme des beaux yeux amoureux.
Je reste tout seul au bord de l'eau grise,
le ciel est pâle, le soleil trop froid,
mais moi, je suis en extase
en temps si languissant.
I am not a birthday bitch per se, I don't mind anyone not saying "Happy Birthday" to me on the streets or surprising me with a cake and presents. Which is weird because I remember my 8th birthday was a really big thing - my mom arranged for a party, and lots of my friends came over, and we had this huge cake (which made me barf, I hate creamy pastries) and posed for pictures like starlets. My favourite picture was one in which I sat on my mom's lap, possibly the last time I was small enough to do so.
I miss those early years, when you see the world through frosted glasses, when everything was beautiful and warm and friendly, because I tell you the first five years away from my family (namely, high school) was hell. I was really alone and scared that people were going to call me out for being a phony, that I didn't belong with the 'elites', that I didn't deserve my place in MCKK. I showed those bitches, but I got hurt, got scarred plenty in the way.
 |
| Front row, second from right. I was such a twink back then. |
On to happier things: on occasion of my sweet 24th, I had composed several works. I completed Laguan buat gadis desa, designated Op 34 and Op 35 (orchestral version) respectively. I wrote a French mélodie, which I count as a personal achievement (I wrote both the music and text in one night, I was heavily caffeine-ated). I also wrote a concert aria for baritone in the cantabile-cabaletta style entitled Bagaikan purnama bercahaya... Menarilah, designated Op 39. The range is monstrous: from G2 to Bb4, but the highest notes are intended to be sung in voix-mixte, and personally if I can sing it then it should be okay for a professional baritone. It was originally perceived in March after the verdict on the Tyler Clementi case, but I had waited until now to release it in its full-grown form. The lyrics were painstaking in its composition, but I completed it, and provided an Italian translation.
Doux solitaire
Je reste tout seul au bord de l'eau grise,
le ciel est pâle, le soleil trop froid,
mais je sens un bonheur suprême,
dans un silence si profond.
Un silence si profond,
si bleu, si grave, si sombre,
qu'il me rend si délirant,
comme des beaux yeux amoureux.
Je reste tout seul au bord de l'eau grise,
le ciel est pâle, le soleil trop froid,
mais moi, je suis en extase
en temps si languissant.
Bagaikan purnama bercahaya... Menarilah!
(Come la luna... Ah piedi dolci!)
CANTABILE:
Bagaikan purnama bercahaya
dengan diiring langkah kejora.
Seribu keindahan wajahmu sayang,
sungguh ku rindukan senyumanmu,
kekasih idaman.
Di mana kau yang ku idam?
datang padaku, oh sayang!
Jangan kau hampakan hatiku,
jangan engkau lupakan diriku,
intan.
Dengarlah seruanku, sayang
Memanggil nama-namamu
yang penuh keindahan
Datanglah semula, kan ku setia
ku sumpah! akan setia.
Malam tak bersinar tanpa bulan,
malam kelam, kerawanan.
Oh, kembalilah pujaan!
Sayang, dengarlah seru
memanggil kepulangan!
CABALETTA:
Menarilah! dengan rentak bergaya
menari dengan gembira
menyahut suara pujangga,
sementara menantiku kan tiba
sampaiku di pintu syurga.
Jangan terlupa akan janji
kita berdua bersama
kan ku datang, oh sayang
di hujung dunia, tunggu sahaja.
Menari dengan gembira!
nantiku di pintu syurga!
Berdua! bersama! bersama!
ITALIANO:
Come la luna, bella e bianca,
che riflette il bacio da una stella,
è la bellezza tua sulle tue rosse labbra,
ti manchera ancor, ti manchera,
mio amore, mia vita.
Dov'è quella perduta?
ritorni a me, pietà!
Io che senza di te, non posso
pensare niente di più,
son senza vergogna.
Ascolta quel'accenti miei
che chiamano i bei nomi, mille tuoi nomi:
Giuro, fedele sarò, si, si, lo giuro,
col sangue mio! fedele sarò
Notte troppo scura senza luna,
notte stanca, funesta.
Ah! ritorni a me, ritorni ancor!
Amor, ascolta: mia tutta angoscia ti richiama!
Ah piedi dolci! ballate allora
ballate con tutti i grazie e gioventù, senza paura
mentre di me, col mio arrivo colà,
saremo, cara, insieme ancora.
Te ricordi bene la promessa
che la tua mano in me
coi miei pianto ha scritto che il tutto,
tutto nostro amor vivrà ancor in cielo!
Io con te, vivremo in ciel,
insieme ancor, con te sarò
con te sarò, sarò!
